I went in to work today even though I really didn't want to. And I really shouldn't have! I was panicky all day long and I had no idea why until lunch. I realised how hungry I was and all I could think about was eating as much as I could as fast as I could. I went to a grocery store and bought a whole pizza, doughnuts, salad with chicken and cookies. I ate a piece of pizza in the car on the way back to work and then another piece at work. I ate a small but of a cookie and then I felt so unbelievably sick! I wanted to throw up so bad. Partly to throw it up because I was so mad and partly because I was so full it thought it may have come out whether I wanted to or not. I didn't which was good and bad I guess.
For the rest of the day I felt so ashamed of myself. I couldn't believe I did that but then I figured I hasn't really eaten that much in ages and a slip every now and then really isn't the worst thing in the world. So I spent the rest of the day at work being as active as possible by taking apart a ton of boxes from a big order we got and vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom. It was really cold and snowing bad when I got home so I didn't get out for a walk but it's okay.
Just weighed myself an hour ago and I'm 98 pounds. So I really only gained a pound with my mouth stuffing frenzy which isn't too bad I guess. Ive gained more before. I was just so scared that I was going to be back up to 100 pounds again! My goal for the end of the month is to be 92 pounds. We will see how that goes.
I did have a good start to the day though. I tried on a pair of jeans that used to be really tight on my. Now they are really baggy at the hips and at my thighs! I was so happy. I almost wore them today but then decided to wear tighter jeans. I need to go shopping and buy new jeans that fit me better. Currently I only have one pair of jeans now that actually fit. So yay for a shopping trip! I did kind of take a picture of this today but I still feel really fat. I do want to take a good picture though maybe tomorrow because I want to have a comparative one for when I get to my goal weight. I should get on that.
My 10 day plan thing on my phone looks awful! It's all over the place which sucks as my last one was a nice gradual line down. But I guess we all have our "off" times so I will keep going on it and post it when it is done and then start on the next 10 days. I want to keep good track of all this so that when I have days like today I don't go off course too much. It really does help because you don't want to see the numbers creeping up all the time.
Tomorrow I see my therapist. I am not looking forward to taking the bus and train downtown in the cold but maybe I'll get a tea on the way to warm me up. Hoping that by tomorrow morning I am a little less than 98! I usually go down a little over night so that's great. Also spending the rest of the day with my mom and she doesn't usually force me to eat because I always say how I'm trying really hard to eat when I am actually trying really hard to lose weight. But we will probably just sew and start on making some Christmas presents early so that we are somewhat ready this year! Goal for Christmas is to be 85 pounds!
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